The World According to Jeb

By Ray Starmann


The latest election poll has Jeb Bush running at a mere 3%, down from his standard 4% or even 4.5%.

Jeb said today he doesn’t pay attention to polls. I do. Other media outlets do. The American people do. You’re polling at 4% Jeb; on good days. You’re down and out in New Hampshire. You’re on the down low in Iowa. You’re down the drain across America, compadre.

Paging Jeb Bush, will Mr. Bush please pick up the red phone in the pro shop…

Jeb doesn’t seem to be affected by his horrific polls, the constant verbal thrashings he receives from school yard tough guy, Trump, and just about every Fox News reporter and anchor who says he’s done.

Jeb takes it all in with his granny glasses and just smiles, like some kind of rodeo clown who’s inhaled too much helium.

Sometimes I feel that Jeb is being spoon fed so much nonsense from his handlers that he really believes he has a chance against Trump. Newsflash Jeb: Carly is kicking your butt. Chris Christie is kicking your butt. Everyone is kicking your butt except for Lindsey Graham who dropped out.

But, there are Fouquets running every campaign whose job it is to brown nose their vain bosses with Sun King egos.

When things don’t go his way during debates or press conferences, Jeb looks like a deer caught in the headlights. Then, he lashes out like the chimp in the old Samsonite commercials, banging and hurling a piece of luggage around a cage in frustration.

Have no doubt; Jeb Bush is smart and competent. He would be a decent enough president. Jeb was a competent governor in Florida. But, frankly, Jeb is as bland as Ovaltine on a good day and a bag of fertilizer on a bad day.

Jeb is not a man of the times. He would have been great in the 1950’s, the leader of the other men in grey flannel suits who just wanted peace and quiet after seeing so little of it in their early adulthoods. Jeb’s campaign is an endlessly playing Perry Como Christmas tune. After ten minutes of spiked Egg Nog, you’re heading for the recliner and falling asleep.

Jeb would have done a decent job as President in the mid to late 1970’s, another time Americans just wanted to tune out from reality after the 1960s where reality was on steroids every day.

Jeb would have been fine during the 1990’s as President. He would have overseen an exploding economy, which even Bonzo could have managed and successfully created a government surplus. He would have dealt a blow to Serbia and then withdrawn back to the club for a couple G and T’s and a char-broiled steak.

But, these are different times today. The country is in trouble. The economy is a disaster. The real unemployment rate is at least two or three times what the government tells us each month. Jobs have been exported. ISIS is running loose on the planet, committing acts of heinous violence wherever they see fit. The US military is in a state of decay and social engineering that unless amended, will result in a series of future disasters for the nation.

The establishment GOP hacks and their few remaining minions from the media like George Will (even Charles Krauthammer is kind of behind Trump) can’t seem to put two and two together. They don’t understand why the public isn’t going for Bush 41’s boy. He’s smart, he’s got manners, he’s rich and he smells good in that Brooks Brothers lime cologne they sell behind the glass with the striped watch bands.

Instead the American people like the guy with the Daniel Boone hairdo, new money, limited manners and the innate ability to irritate the hair-brained left and rally the right.

Trump is the man of the hour; someone who is viewed as being a tough guy to deal with the nation’s many troubles. Whether or not it’s true, Jeb is viewed as someone who doesn’t have the intestinal fortitude to complete the mission. Jeb is viewed as weak on ISIS, a puppet of the bankers and more than pathetic on illegal immigration.

Jeb’s statement that unrestrained illegal immigration is an “act of love” hasn’t gone over well with a lot of Americans, to say the least.

How does Jeb’s future look? Great, for anything that doesn’t involve him being President. He said he has a lot of other stuff he can spend his time doing. Jeb, my boy, you’ll be having a lot of free time because sorry to say, your campaign is over. You’ll have a lot of time to summer and winter at your favorite places, buy another Volvo and take your kids on an LL Bean shopping expedition. Time is your buddy, buddy.

I know. I know. Mummy and Pappy Bush have told you there’s enough money to sustain you to the GOP convention, an amount of money that could feed people in ten African nations.

What is really needed is a Bush family intervention to put a stop to the fiasco called the Jeb Bush Campaign. But, they won’t stop it. There are too many egos at stake here. The “campaign” will continue until the clock runs out and the man with the flashy suits and borderline manners and Daniel Boone hairdo wins the nomination and the Presidency and finally restores this country to greatness.