Tonight’s GOP Brawl

By Ray Starmann


It was another bare knuckled Republican debate, minus Dr. Cool and his mellow presence to calm the scene.

Trump was the Number One pop up target tonight. Chris Wallace, aka Mr. Peepers, opened the debate by asking Trump about the KKK. Trump renounced the Klan for about the 5,987th time and then offered an olive branch to Rubio by telling him he wasn’t actually a lightweight. Trump went on to show his hands to the crowd and implied that his male appendage was in solid, working order.

Trump reiterated solid conservative talking points by discussing how he’s going to eviscerate worthless Federal government programs and how much he supports the Second Amendment. He also used Romney as a punching bag a few times.

Trump was hammered about the lawsuits surrounding Trump University, in actuality a real estate investment school. Rubio went on the offensive, implying that Trump was some kind of sleazy, corrupt know-nothing; as if Trump’s biggest accomplishment was being a guest star on the Love Boat.

Trump went on to hammer Ted Cruz over his support of quasi conservative, Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts. He concluded the evening by telling America he was going to bring back jobs and strolled off the stage in the tanned arms of Melania.

Rubio took Trump’s olive branch at the beginning and tossed it into the garbage. The Coconut Grove 8th Grader couldn’t answer how many jobs he’s created, a sum less than zero. Rubio carpet bombed Trump on the Trump University issue, although Trump looked like he survived the B-52 strike intact.

Rubio talked small government and strong foreign policy, when in actuality he’s a big government guy and a war hawk. He’s a Democrat in a silk suit with a neocon name tag.

He hit Trump for not being serious about foreign policy and blurted out that the Millennials are the best generation in the last 100 years. The Snowflakes are the Greatest Generation? Really, Marco?

An 18 year old kid who needs safe space with Play Doh is apparently greater than Dick Winters.

Nice fishing line out to the younger generation Marco, but they’re over at the Sanders’ house for an all you can eat Borscht dinner.

Rubio closed the evening by sounding like he’s carrying the torch for the New, New Frontier.

Cruz – Count Chocula was his usual self. He blasted Obamacare, said he’s going to abolish the IRS, build up the military and once again, carpet bomb ISIS out of the galaxy.

He tried to paint Trump as corrupt flip-flopper who wrote checks to Hillary ten times and supported Jimmy Carter. Cruz looked calm and presidential and I thought he did a pretty good job tonight. He threw in some Southern BBQ’d red meat by mentioning states’ rights a few times. His best line of the night came when he stated that, “Donald Has a Tenuous Relationship with the Truth.”

Cruz finished the evening by threatening Kim “The Big Bopper” Jong Un, while stating that he would support Trump as the nominee because he had given the RNC his word.

Way to go Pinocchio.

Kasich – Father John brought a butter knife to a sword and pike fight. Kasich was once again a broken record of talking about his record in Ohio. According to Kasich, Ohio is a virtual utopia of Medicaid, balanced budgets and economic growth. Cleveland is a tropical paradise (now that Lake Erie is no longer on fire) and Toledo is one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

Kasich is at his best though when speaking about the poor, the hungry, the unemployed and uninsured. He comes across as a guy who really cares, and no politician has had the ability to touch the downtrodden since Bobby Kennedy visited West Virginia and Watts in 1968.

Kasich finished off the night by claiming he would be the nominee…

Uh huh…

But, if he wasn’t, he would support Trump.

Everyone agreed that ISIS had to be destroyed and Trump vowed to throw out the Geneva Convention when dealing with terrorists.

Did the debate change anything? It’s doubtful. The Trump Train is headed down the tracks straight to the White House. On the way to Washington, it’s going to run over the GOP Establishment and pick up Hillary in shackles.

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