By Ray Starmann
Everyone in the White House and Pentagon is so untrue…
The old Billy Joel hit from 1979 seems to be spot on, when examining the actions and words emanating from the White House and the Pentagon in the last few weeks.
Guns cause terrorism – If only the US was a gun control paradise like Chicago or Mexico, those dastardly Jihadis would be swearing allegiance to the Dalai Lama and George Harrison, instead of Al-Baghdadi. Unfortunately, the bad guys will always obtain weapons, something the liberals living on a mental Fantasy Island will never understand.
ISIS is contained – Only hours before the Paris attacks, President Bozo the Clown said, “ISIS was contained.” Sure they are, like a crate of nitro-glycerin Wily Coyote is dragging across the desert floor before it blows up in his face. Ka-Boom!
We’re winning the war against ISIS – Another part of the Fantasy Island episode, titled, “Cowardice is Cool.” Obama is Ricardo Montalban in the White House, playing Mr. Rourke, the host, who, instead of sending Barbie Benton or Soupy Sales into a fantasy land, is living the episode himself with Valerie Jarrett, who has replaced Tattoo, the always capable midget. I’ll take Tattoo any day. I hear he was a conservative.
The air war is kicking butt – Even Chuck Todd has finally realized that the air war is a joke. Back to Wily Coyote again flying an ACME Air Force bi-plane with a gigantic malfunctioning bomb underneath. ISIS is the always capable, always elusive enemy with the home field advantage. Beep, Beep!
Islam is the religion of peace – Peace on Earth and Good Will to All Men is certainly not the motto of these cats. When was the last time you heard anything positive about Islam? Funny, how you don’t hear stories on the local news like, “Two young Muslim men saved an old lady from getting hit by a Greyhound Bus. Back to Dallas Raines with the weather.” It’s all about pipe bombs, car bombs, suicide bombs, suitcase bombs, dirty bombs, cheery bombs; an assorted daily montage of violence. I’m sick of President Buffoon and peaceful Muslims making excuses. Muslims are like Sergeant Schultz on the old TV show, Hogan Heroes yelling, “We know nothing!”
Syrian refugees are just orphans and women – Obama’s motto is “a spoonful of BS helps the bad news go down”…As we all know now, 75% of the Syrian refugees are young guys looking for girls, food stamps and violence. As for the women, with the Paris attacks and the San Bernardino shootings, it’s apparent that these women may be interested in making bombs not Baklava.
And, now in Ash and Trash Carter’s Fun House…
Coed combat works – The women in combat issue has haunted the military for decades like the Stay Puff Marshmallow man in Ghostbusters. After forty years and thousands of studies and real world information showing that lo and behold, coed units aren’t as capable in combat tasks as all male units, Carter, obeying orders from Der Fuehrer in dem Weissen Haus, just turned the US military into a traveling carnival show last week.
Women really did pass Ranger School – Three women have graduated Ranger School, the Army’s 61 day course that makes walking a mile on broken glass seem like a fun alternative. Strangely, the Army has refused to provide any records at all of the three female graduates. Nothing to see here folks, move on. Hopefully, John McCain will get on this one and demand that the Army cough up the records.
Climate change causes terrorism – If only those nasty Muslim terrorists lived in wetter, colder climates like Sweden they wouldn’t go on sprees of violence and rape. Wait a minute…hold on…they are going on rampages of rape and violence in temperate Europe. So, apparently, the idea that growing up in a dust bowl causes terrorism is about as far-fetched as the idea that the Cubs will ever win the World Series.
Donald Trump will never win the nomination – I know this is Jeb Bush’s fantasy, along with beating up Chip Wadsworth, the prep school bully who gave him daily wedgies in gym class. But, as time marches on, even Charles Krauthammer has been forced to hop on the Trump Train to victory. Trump is successful for one reason; he says what everyone else in the PC peanut gallery is afraid to say.
Hillary is an honest broker and an expert in foreign policy – The Dacron and polyester clad pants suit maiden and femme liar-telle committed enough felonies and misdemeanors as Secretary of State to fill a state prison. General Petraeus gets keel-hauled for scribbling classified on a desk calendar and whispering top secret information to his 36 DD assistant and mistress. Hillary broadcasts State Department and intelligence business in the open like Axis Sally and most likely all she will get is a 99 cent store box of cookies from Loretta Lynch.
And the lies go on…